Miriam's Life

February 21, 2008:  My day of “fasting” went very well.  It was a very relaxing day, mostly because of the way I approached it, and also partly because I was limited in how busy I could be without turning on the computer.  It is amazing how dependent I am on the computer, even my grocery list is kept on there.  As I did my devotions today (Woman on a Mission Bible Study) I ran across a verse that jumped out at me.  II Corinthians 9:8 says: “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.”  As many of you know, Emma means complete or whole, and Anne means full of grace.  So put together, they mean Complete Grace or as in this verse:  all grace.  After her name popped out at me in the verse I started thinking what that meant.  The time of my life so far where I have felt God’s presence most completely, where I have felt true abundant life, and where I found myself effortlessly abounding in good works was during Emma’s life.  Many people would mention that they didn’t know how I did it, or that they couldn’t imagine going through what we were going through.  And yet, to me it was never so easy to live the spiritual life.  Since that time I have found it harder to continue to live in that abundance.  Sometimes I miss what we had with Emma, the excitement, the drama of her life.  But perhaps, hopefully, it is really this abundant life that I am missing.  If so, according to this verse that is available to me even now in the humdrum of everyday life.  I thought through this longer and realized that all that needed to be done to tap into it was to act, to make a decision to do something for God and then to do it.  As we do, he begins to pour his grace into us, making it easier and easier to continue to abound in good works until we reach the point that it feels easy, natural.  But through it all, it is obvious that it is God who makes the whole process work.  Realizing how easy it all was has encouraged me to begin to make those little decisions and act on them.  Every time I choose to say a kind word to Elise even though she has interrupted me for the umpteenth time.  Every time I get up from the middle of something intriguing without letting out a tremendous sigh to get Will from his bed.  Every time I choose to joyfully clean my house.  Every smile I give to someone I meet.  These are all little things, but I do believe that as we start acting on the little things it becomes easier to do the big ones.  [...]

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This week I anticipate the anniversary of Emma’s heaven birthday.  Though I like to think of it as a birthday rather than a death day, it does still contain much sadness.  I’m not overwhelmed with sadness this year, partly because I’ve been too busy to think about it.  I am making a conscious effort to slow down to start to think of it, because for some reason it is important to me to mark that day as something special.  To remember purposely the life of our amazing daughter, in honor of her and of God who blessed our family with her.  Tomorrow is Feb. 21, the day before her heaven birthday.  Last year, I had decided that for me the 21st would be my day of grief, so that the 22nd could be treated as a day of joy and celebration.  In order to make a physical reminder of that, I decided to fast on the 21st, breaking the fast on the 22nd.  Last year I was pregnant and this year I am nursing, so my mode of fasting is giving up my computer for one day.  So, you will not see me online tomorrow at all.  I will not even turn on my computer.  I spend a lot of time during the day on the computer, so this actually is a good way for me to create time to reflect and spend time in communion with God.  Last year, I had someone take Elise for part of the day as well, but since tomorrow will be unpredictable with the icy weather, and if it is not icy, with Elise’s dance class, I think I will just keep the kids with me.  I intend to include Elise in some of the rememberings, and in the evening John will be gone for a meeting, so I can spend that time in alone time if it is needed.

February 22 is Friday.  We don’t have specific plans for that day, and it is busy with other things, so we decided to make time to be together as a family on Sunday.  So Sunday we will be coming home from church for a meeting with our realtor, and then will probably head out to do something special.

Thank you to all who have remembered this coming anniversary and taken the time to ask me how I am doing.  It means a lot to me when others remember these significant dates and even more when they make an effort to ask me about them.  I enjoy taking time to talk about Emma, and needless to say, those opportunities do not arise as often anymore.

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I took Will in for a weight check today to monitor his weight gain and make sure that we don’t need to take any more steps to assure a healthy growth rate.  He weighed 18 lbs. 2 1/2 oz, which is a weight gain of 12 1/2 oz. in the last three weeks.  A rate of 4 oz. a week is considered more than adequate, and it effectively keeps him in the 50th percentile for weight.  I measured his length myself and he is about 28 1/2 in. long, meaning he’s grown an inch in the last 3 weeks.  His length rate of growth seems to be settling into the 90th percentile.  I’m completely satisfied with these numbers.  Will seems happy and healthy and is eating much better than he was 3 weeks ago.  He is nursing better, gets an average of two bottles of formula a day as well, and has recently moved up to two solid meals a day.  He is finally accepting more foods than just banana, so his solid meals have much more variety.  He likes peaches, pears (if mixed with peaches), yogurt (if mixed with fruit and slightly sweetened), sweet potatoes, bananas, and avocado (if mixed with something).  I’ve also managed to sneak in a little bit of cereal unnoticed into one of his meals, so I might be able to keep doing that as well.

He is getting much more mobile, though not crawling yet.  He’ll readily get down from a sitting position onto his back or stomach, and is rolling more frequently onto his stomach from his back.  He also has figured out how to get back to his back, though he doesn’t do that as often.  He walks himself around in a circle on his hands as well, so with these combinations of movements he can move a couple feet of distance and face about any direction he wants.  It is fun to see where he ends up now when I put him down, but also means my floors need to remain a little bit cleaner as he is also beginning to develop more finger control of small hard to see objects.  :)

Here’s some pictures of him today.  He somehow worked his seat loose from the saucer and when I looked over at him he was all but disappearing into the seat.  We are quickly approaching the stage of constant vigilance!  (In the second picture he is making his signature screaming sound.)
 

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